fOr yOu

Here at emporium EmMoporium, we have a wide selection of quality products! When you think: garden hoses, washing up fluids, the emaciated corpses of your fellow man, puppies! puppies with smaller noses, puppies that are harbouring a deadly secret, and the truth about eternal bliss; think emporium EmMoporium.

If I was lying, would I be wearing another man’s skin on my face? I figure not!!!!

There is more, don’t you worry your silly little head. If you are a ma’am and you bring in your little sir, we will forcibly evict his soul from his physical form free of charge!

Is that too brutal? Yes? Okay we’ll put a silly hat on him. HA I am cracking up just thinking about it. Freed from your earthly burdens, we will give you a 300 dollar rebate and allow you to spend it at our store. I wish I could convince you that this is a choice but this store, our wonderforium emporium, is actually all that you will encounter in your existence.

You may end up with a wife and three kids, a wonderful house and the greatest job in the world, but it all will direct itself to our emporium. Members get ten percent off!