Fall of the World

Our posse had been built up quite a lot. There was me, the other guy, the professor, and the two creepy college robots. Lion guy I guess would be the other guy’s name, we really don’t have names. That’s something we should probably collectively deal with. I know Gallant was annoyed his name was so bulky and stupid, I mean whoops wrong story.

We had one more though. We needed one more passenger in this car which is already just so so packed.

“We need the courier,” The professor said. “The courier was in the world of old and was the reason much of the apocalypse did not happen. He died many centuries ago but he was so good at dealing with these apparitions that they did not reappear for many moons.

“But, wait, if he was dead for the past few centuries then how can we get his help?” I asked.

“Simple,” The professor stated matter of factly, “Because he’s not dead.”

The lion guy did a double take, being woken up from his slumber on some robot legs. “Excuse me? Did you say this legendary historical figure isn’t dead?”

“Well, not technically. Here, I’ll show you what I mean.” He said, violently jerking the wheel around and forcing me to use all my strength so I didn’t fall on the professor’s lap.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“And where WERE we going if that wasn’t where we were supposed to be going,” Lion Guy asked.

“If I’m being honest, there was an old girlfriend I was hoping to see before the flames engulfed her. But now I wanna show you guys this important thing.”

“Ew,” we collectively said.

There was some more traversing the endless black void, with brief stops to avoid colliding with the flames of the cataclysm that were going to cook us to a crisp. Eventually we ended up on Earth again. Or, more accurately, a blackened mess of burnt earth that used to be a planet.

Despite this, the professor seemed to know exactly where he needed to land and pressed a button on the glove box, reaching over me in an incredibly awkward way. Nothing happened, so he responded by slapping it a few times, threatening my testicles with annihilation on the backswing.

“Um, could you please,” he said to me, motioning to the glove box. I reached under my seat and pulled the lever whirring me backwards. I used all the force I could muster in this cramped car to kick an almighty kick and pop open the box, revealing three gas masks and nothing else.

We all took one and as soon as we did a few foldable shovels popped out as well.

“It’s a compartment that gives you anything you need. Pretty nifty, eh?”

“Why don’t you just make it give us the thing we need to stop the cataclysm,” I asked.

“Not quite everything you need,” The professor modified.

We left and the ground felt like walking on the moon, the loose sandy soil on top which was jet black. The only way we knew where we were was from the light of the stars and our flashlight.

“Dig,” the professor said, motioning all around.

Immediately we shovelled as fast as we could until the hand of a skeleton was accidentally chopped off by me. “OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THE DEAD BODY OF THE COURIER!?” I shouted/asked.

“Indeed it is, now dig up the rest I have an idea.”