Deal

“Would you stop fidgeting, you’re gonna ruin everything,” my overlord whispered to me. Or should I say hissed. That wouldn’t be accurate, because he doesn’t have a mouth to whisper with, it’s why I’m here. I’m the interpreter, and if things go wrong I’m gonna be shot first. Literally, the messenger will be shot. I look around and see many alien creatures…alien to me at least. Weird freakish things with tufts of fur on their head and faces, pink skin, two eyes!? This place grosses me out.

“How are we doing,” the monkey said to me, plopping down on the seat without a thought of extending a hand.

Off we trot to the next scene.

I am bored of this whole dealio. The news said it was going to be a short while, but as I scavenged through the bin, I finally got the message that they were wrong and I had no grounds for believing things would get any better. The vibe slowed down.

When they come for me they’ll come for you, you’d better believe it. Flat in a lipid pool, that’ll be me, but eventually I can harvest what I need to in the meantime. Far and away the biggest problem is the complete lack of company. More people would always be terrible to me, but somebody at the very least would remind me what species I am, because at this point I’ve forgotten.

Blasting through the wall of the house revealed a treasure trove of supplies. All because of that deal, I am eating pretty. I waded through the mountain of chips and other food stuffs until I uncovered the core of the entire thing: a twinkie, just as preserved as the day it was created. I knew not to touch it and allowed myself to be a little more careless heading for the doorway. Oops, That was a bad choice. A trembling family were staring up at me, I think this doesn’t bode well for the idea that I’m a human.

“Hi, I’m not dangerous,” I said, extending a hand out to them. Nothing. Do they even speak English?

“Do you speak English? I am human I think. HU-MAN.” I said, gesturing to myself.

“Get out of here shapeshifter,” the woman blurted out at me. I was taken aback.

“Shapeshifter? Huh, I thought I was human. Do you guys have a mirror I can borrow?”

She shook her head, I sighed because I expected that. I turned around and headed to the bathroom. The smashing of a vase over my head broke my concentration. I didn’t even feel it. I guess I’m really not human.

“Could you please not?” I said, “I really think that’s a bad idea.” She ran back, clearly hoping to be done with me after that display of brazen violence. I stepped in front of the mirror, ah shit I don’t know what a human looks like. This is gonna be a problem. If I want to pass as human I have to know what they look like but they all look the same. This is ridiculous.

I stepped back out, the woman had reassumed her position trying to protect her children.

“Alright, seeya,” I said, waving as I left.